i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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