ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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