btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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