I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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