i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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