I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
