sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So here I am, sexting at work.
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