normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize