Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
