Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize