3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
