thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
