Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
