you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
