Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
