I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
