My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
