Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
