You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
