i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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