Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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