The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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