I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
