Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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