my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
