dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
