OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
