wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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