I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
