i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
