i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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