you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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