come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize