I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
