The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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