Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
