btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
