is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
