Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
