If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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