So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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