I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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