The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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