I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
