sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
