I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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