carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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