I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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