Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize