It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
