I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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