Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize