My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
