I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize