i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
