could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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