Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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