fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
