I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
