Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
