I'm so fucking centered right now
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
