I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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