My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's blow job season.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
