def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
