But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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