Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
